I thought it would be fun to be a grown up

I don’t know if it’s just me , or everyone else is like this , but as a kid i couldn’t wait to be a grown up so i would be able to make better decisions , be less anxious and become more confident regarding myself and my skills ( social and technical ) and maybe at some point i will be talented as well. I wish it was that easy .

Aging is a journey of finding yourself ,where ever it would be .. its funny how i spent my high school period collecting grades and studying till i lost another fraction in my vision prescription and actually forgot to socialize .

I was consumed in my books , be it school books or other side readings . i always had this thought that those grades will book a seat in one of the big universities so i never really cared about anything else , but am paying for it now .

very recently , when i had to spend more time with my cousins ( because they moved in to my university hostel ) i realized i didn’t quite know myself .the girl i saw in the mirror everyday wasn’t quite me .

I didn’t see my real reflection because i was deep into my solitude , doing my best to learn the craft of my major . I never knew i was this moody , sensitive girl because i never let this many people into my inner circle , or into my daily routine .

Things do not get easier as we age , it’s just as kids we see the world as a playground , where everyone is happy , content and protected ( at least that was me , am very sorry if your childhood was tough ).

Things that you run away from in your teenhood will chase after you , year after year !! ,consuming you until you deal them . I should have not ran away from my self esteem issues , it kept boiling inside me throughout the years and evolved to self hatred .

Growing up many other issues would rise , and because you are an adult now most of the people around you would expect you to deal with your issues by yourself , with minimum tears ..

I never thought adults cry , overthink and even doubt themselves .. until i saw my grandma breaking down after she lost her ability to talk

I guess college is just gateway to adulthood , i wonder what else is at the other side , since i have seen a glimpse , i hope it’s hard work , Independance , Helping others and some good accomplishment

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